The hierarchy of pests

#10. LOCUSTS. That's right, locusts. I know what you're saying. I too thought they were a biblical plague sort of deal, not really around anymore. Wrong. Picture legions of ginormous grasshoppers (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids-style), and they keep senselessly jumping and flying into your face. They are awful. But fortunately, they are not around for the majority of the year.

#9. SCHISTOSOMA. Schistosoma is a microscopic flatworm responsible for causing schistosomiasis, the second most devastating parasitic disease (after malaria). They are found in tropical fresh water. The bottom line: because of these little guys, Peace Corps forbids me to swim in the cool and beautiful river 20 yards from my front door. It is a painful thing.

#8. MAURITANIAN STREET CHILDREN. Oh, wait. Should they not count as "pests"?
#8. CREEPY MAURITANIAN MEN. Still no? Fine...
#8. ROOSTERS. They start crowing long before dawn. I've developed a fantasy of punching one in the throat mid-cockadoodle. But really, the roosters are tolerable since I get woken up by the prayer call most mornings anyway.

#7. LIVESTOCK. This includes goat, sheep, and cattle (they're longhorns, shout-out to Texas!). These creatures comment and protest loudly all. day. long. What do you imagine to be the sounds of an African village? Joyful native songs and an occasional elephant trumpet? Not for me. It's all "MEHHHH!" and "MOOOO!"
// EDIT: I don't even know how I forgot about the god-forsaken donkeys. Their gasp-screeching is in a class by itself.


#6. TERMITES. They eat all our books. It's tragic.

#5. TOADS. At dusk, the "running of the toads" commences and I see scores of them come hopping out of every crevice and shadow. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud. (Again, the biblical plagues are brought to mind.) The thing I can't get over is that they are so DUMB! I often discover a toad that is holed up in a corner of my room, too confused to find its way back to the door. And almost daily I have one floating dead in my latrine (or a live one still squirming in vain). Pretty gross, but I figure if they're stupid enough to keep falling in the same hole, they probably don't deserve to live.


#4. ANTS. They are a definite nuisance, but I confess that deep down I really respect them. They are SO GOOD at finding food! Constantly they impress me. Favorites are anything with sugar, nuts, or meat (i.e. beef jerky). I have to have my food SEALED, or they will immediately swarm! Ziploc bags are no match -- only Tupperware and buckets with airtight lids get the job done. Sometimes I leave a candy wrapper in the middle of my floor just to see how long it takes the ants to find it. I am at peace with them because at least they have a clear purpose in life. Oh, one other thing, though: when they bite you, it KILLS.


#3. MICE. I don't have them in Dar El Barka (alhamdulillah -- thank God!), but we have a serious mouse problem at the house in Boghé. Now, as I just said, I have to keep all my food locked up tight because of the ants anyway. But mice are peculiar little beasts. Food is not the only thing they're after. They'll chew through thick plastic bags and cardboard boxes to get to... A bar of soap? Toothpaste? Moist towelettes? The rubber grip on a pen?! Nothing is sacred.

#2. MOSQUITOES. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about a mosquito. They whine up close to your ears. They bite you so discreetly that you don't even notice, until that unmistakable itching starts burning a minute later. AND on top of all this, they spread an incredibly deadly disease, malaria! I put on insect repellent every single night, and I sleep inside a net, but still I get bitten on average 10 times a day. The only reason mosquitoes are not #1 on my list is because at least they are relatively slow enough that you can clap them dead in your hands if you see one.

And the bane of my existence:

#1. FLIES. You know those infomercials on TV when they show the "starving kids in Africa," and there are flies just all over the place? This isn't added for dramatic effect. They are everywhere, at all times. They buzz around incessantly and land on your food. Ryan had a theory in our Pulaar class that it was always at his most frustrated when a fly would land square on his face. The worst is that they are really fast, so they're hard to kill. They laugh in the face of fly paper, I've learned. My mom sent me a fly swatter, and fortunately that's been really helpful. I'm putting no dent in their population, but swatting gives me a profound sense of satisfaction. As I watch them struggle in their final moments, I often ask them aloud, "What was your life worth?"